On this day I remember

there are always good and bad times we will never forget and people in our lives we've all lost, etc. Well this is a song about remembering those times and no matter what other people say its ok to feel down about it knowing that it still hurts. But most importantly be proud that you remember it because it's your memories, your life.  

On this day I remember

Sleep deep now, for this slumber brings release

Dream down golden rivers of familiar faces

Little faint curses unlock my faded memories

I remember it all now…

The journey we took together

With tears and eyes closed shut

Alone now I will never forget

For on this day I remember…

I remember.

Forget the day you ran away from me

Recall the good times and the times I lost

Echoing through my very existence

I remember it all now…

The journey we took together

With tears and eyes closed shut

Alone now I will never forget

For on this day I remember…

I remember.

Always reminded of being… Mortal…

Always calling out form my… Heart…

Never will I ignore the aching… Scars…

Take my hand and help me. Remember!!

Away from these clouded thoughts. Find!! 

Shelter my sanity from the haunting visions

Once again I will never forget this day…

Remember… Remember…

Remember this day…

Remember… Remember…

Remember this day…

Remember… Remember…

Remember today.

 

S.I.C.

I really hate to admit it but in the past month my faith has been really shaken and i don't know what to believe anymore. This song I wrote put my whole experience in one place, when you feel tied down and lost at the same time. It is the longest song i've wrote so far and probably the most personal too.

S.I.C.

I listen for your voice

And looked out for the signs

Heeded all you told me

And followed all the guide lines

At times I felt strong.

But now I am drained

Swallowed up and hollowed out.

A voice once to teach

But now I’m deafened

By shouts of judgement and criticism

Heavy are the chains

Carried for so long now

Chained to die in one’s service alone…

What choice have you even given me?

I am a servant in chains

I am a slave to your ways

I am a puppet in your hands

No more…

Feeling so lost and confused

And constantly being pushed in line,

I wasn’t the misguided one

And still waiting for that day to shine

As the temples empty

And the prayers silence 

On my knees I prayed for love.

You left me weak,

Where did you go?

Leave me shadowed and used.

Wish for distance now

Chains begin to break

You can’t offer me any life I’d take…

What choice have you even given me?

I am a servant in chains

I am a slave to your ways

I am a puppet in your hands

NO MORE!!!!!

Contradicting words and actions

No praises given only taken

As my light forever darkens

Never have I felt less certain.

I desire too, I’m only human...

I’m dead on the inside…

Blind with ashes in my eyes,

Aching with the past screams

Deafen from the cold silence.

Chains worn thin and old,

Why don’t you kill me???

What choice have you even given me?

I am a servant in chains

I am a slave to your ways

I am a puppet in your hands

NO MORE!!!!!

No more…

Will I be chained in your service

No more…

Will I be your servant anymore

No more…

Will I be… your servant in chains…

 

It must be.

Some say it never to late to learn anything new, in some ways that right and when you learn something new about someone you know you can accept it or not. but in the heat of the moment sometimes you just have to accept thats how it is and how it must be whether you like it or not.

It must be

A light forever shifting

Never ending…

Drawing closer to me

It’s all false…

Walking the lifeline again

Reality unearthed…

I understand it all now

It must be…

Fearful to feel that way

Combing shards form the sands

In an Incomplete puzzle

Where the pieces never fit

But I guess it must be…

You say I haven’t lived

Until I’ve truly loved but no

It’s you who can’t ever love

Until you’ve truly lived

But I guess it must be…

Remind me why we divided

Terrifying fates…

Wonder around all you like

Still cold inside…

hope you find a piece of emotion within

Moving forward…

I understand it all now

It must be…

Fortunes lost…

Physically lost…

Spiritually lost…

Lost on the inside

Until the next drug comes my way

So dosed up yet so god dam delusional

And so it must be

Deafened … must be.

Silent … must be

Weakened… must be

Deadened… must be…

I know!

I know!!

I know!!!

It must be.

Whatever it must be

It won’t ever be me…

  

Stars apart

This is a song I wrote about someone that was very close to me years ago but after an arguement we just drifted apart very qiuckly and after sometime now I feel its best left that way. I just wanted to get this off my chest and this song says it all for me.

Stars apart

This wasn’t what I wanted

I’m sorry that it happened

But when we come together

There’s nothing left to say

We fought so bitterly,

For the distance felt between us now

Made our hearts so cold.

We’re no longer an ocean separated

We’re stars apart…

Using hateful words it…

Hurt deeper than I knew,

Now the night draws in

And we both walk away…

We fought so bitterly,

For the distance felt between us now

Made our hearts so cold.

We’re no longer an ocean separated

We’re stars apart…

Wish it could have different

Wish I that it was alright

Wish it didn’t hurt like it did

But now we’ve drifted away

Don’t speak…

Listen to me…

No… Don’t tear open the old wounds I stitched shut.

It ended and best left that way.

To painful now to look at you.

There’s nothing left now to say or do.

We drifted away… And now we’re stars apart.

 

Walk away

Walk Away

YOU GAVE ME
A question I can never truly answer
For it was so fucking obvious,
Staring you right in the face.
Uncertainty revealed by your tired eyes.
Will my actions speak louder than words,
because I can’t control myself anymore?

Walk away… because I know you will
You’re all the same
All of you……

DON’T THREAT ME...
No longer belonging to you, to this world,
Freedom is a virtue you no longer control.
I still enjoy to see that smile on your face,
But you might as well spit in my eye!!!

Walk away… it just easier for me now,
I’m just use to it…
Its happened before…..

Yeeeeaaahhh!!!
I’m no saint but then nor are you.
Stop trying to be what your not,
And give me some space to breath.
I can’t seem to understand your ways,
Nor the cold words you speak with hate.

Walk away…
I need to feel alive again..
Go…….
I need to feel some kind of,
Compassion…
Within this dark desire I can’t control.
Leave….
So I can exist in this space I call my own.

Suspended in an emotion twined together by confusion, hate and misery,
I don’t want any pity from you or anyone, never have and never will.
I’ve walked the thin line between love and hate all my life, oh well,
What do you do when you feel so discarded and lost with your self.
But the only thing on my mind is that will give me some relief is that you,
Walk Away!!!!!!

Now!!!!

GO!!!!!

Call of the rain

I already have some musical material for this song and it was called "Call of the rain" when it was wrote and then I decided that I'd write some lyrics for it. It is also the shortest song I've written so far but it works with the slow riffs of the guitar and bass.


Call of the rain

Need to feel something
Something I recognize on my skin
And drip down my face.

Overwhelming sensations
Craving a far and whole life again
Honest and present.

Take all colours away
Leave only a blackened sky above
Sacredly restore harmony.

Spill no blood tonight
I look up to swallow the riches
That plunge on down.

Come down to me
Fall down on top
The body so smooth
As the earth suckles
Grow the crops of
Desire and greed.

Endless feelings of need
Fall down I sing to you
Call of the rain…

There is nothing less pure than this.
   

Tumour in the attic

There are a lot of people who won't get this straight away and some people will. Its fear, confusion and your worst  nightmare. I've saved this song back for a couple of weeks before putting it on the Blog because it is quite a dark one compared to some of the other songs.  


Tumour in the Attic


In a dark place atop of the stairs
Somewhere I dare not enter...
As a child so sweet and innocent,
Not knowing the danger that grew and manifested up there…

In a place so lonely atop of the stairs
Where the lights were off,
No human could live there…
Only something twisted in nature and hollow could exist.

What lives in that attic?
I hear sounds in my sleep.
Feeling the walls closing in,
Wonder if anyone’s home???

My mother says there’s nothing to fear but deep down
Inside me I know nearby there’s a tumour in the attic….

Burly sensations atop of the stairs
Growth sagging down the walls,
Spreading all around me…
It feeds on life and leeches its way throughout my home.

A high pitch scream deafens all,
A scream of pain or life,
Slowly become unresponsive.
Green and blue pets hallucinate and panic past me.

I know what’s in the attic.
Deaf to the loud sounds.
Needing to climb the stairs,
To kill the tumour in its nest.

My mother says there’s nothing to fear but deep down
Inside me I know nearby there’s a tumour in the attic…

Drained on the inside
Climbing to the top
Blind in the darkness
Cold to the touch
Breathing in spores
That choke every lungful

Fearing the end of this nightmare I
Need someone to come and save me.
Shadows creep up behind me again
Traumatic as I can no longer move.

I… need to wake up now.
I… can feel on my skin.
I… need to wake up now.
I… can’t see where I am.
I… need to wake up now.
I… can feel on my skin.
I… not got what it takes to pull through…

Mother says there’s nothing to fear but I know there’s a tumour in the attic!!!!

Three on the go...

I've been working on three songs once at the moment all very different but I am starting to see a recurring theme in some of the songs. Not that having a theme isn't a good thing in song writing, I'm just trying to keep all doors open at the moment and see where it takes me. The feeling of loss is a powerful emotion that drives my song writing and with 13 songs written at this time they are just flooding in but I don't want to over flow the blog straight away with every song I've got. I will try to post as often as I can and with as much info as possible.

Thank you to everyone that has shown me support over the past couple of weeks and supports my song writing.  !..!,   

Michael's wings

This is a song that goes out to everyone that has lost someone whether it be in death or someone has walk away from you. This song also has a personal twist to me I won't say what it is what you can make some guesses to what it could be and Michael only a hand full of people will know who that is but when you find out it all becomes very clear... It is also one of Favourite songs so far.


Michael’s Wings

I’m lucky I never found the bottom of the bottle,
Yet still you’re too far away from me.
I call out your name and hope you’ll return,
Wishes never seem to be answered.

I pray Michael Lend me your wings….

So heavy a burden to ask of you…
My hands are so cold to the touch,
Desires go unfulfilled, so I fade alone.
As the light leaves your eyes.

I pray Michael lend me your wings….

I would wish everything away,
Just to have you next me.
Carried safely into my arms,
Blinded by this dark place.

So I ask you Michael Please…. Carry her safely to me.

With hands together I need only this only thing.

Through the black clouds and the stormy nights,
Oceans and mountains hold her tight and please
Come Back…
Return Back…
Come Back…
Bring Back…
Carry her back to me….

I pray to you Michael lend me your wings

I’ll sleep here till you return,
Sleep here until the sunrise.
The night will be long and restful…

All souls sleep well tonight,
Remaining undisturbed
Until light hits my closed eyes…

And if all in vain, least tell father I’m coming home.
And if all in vain, least tell father I forgive him.

Tell father I forgive him.

Zero Gravity.

Dreams can go from feeling great to the feel of falling in just a second, peace to chaos, life to death and that's why I wrote Zero Gravity.

Zero Gravity 


Dreams sweet as the roses…
Soothes in a world so calm…
Souls soar over the oceans…
Peace flourishes without pain and conflict…

I stand upon high…
Beyond body and mind…
A zone that is mine…
An area of harmony and non-aggression…

But between the light, holds a dark that never seen.
Chaos clutches deep, within twisting cloud of blackness.
Disturbing my serenity, turning the tides of nature.
Heavy storms are coming, typhoons shifting this way.
Nothing I can do, but watch the dream becomes a nightmare!!!

Give me… My remedy…
Holt this… I can’t breathe, no longer!!
Release me… Now!

Twisting, turning, spinning round and round,
Twisting, turning, I refuse to drown,
Twisting, turning, before I hit the ground,
Twisting, turning can’t stop falling down!!!!

Trapped inside this cage of zero gravity
And lost within a tangled up dimension,
Need to wake up…
Break free.
Return to a relaxed state of mind…

Shift away from sleep…
Go back.
Release me tonight….

The Hitchhiker.

This was a song I wrote last night which I wanted to share with everyone right away, it draws on one of the two sides to my life. For all times i've felt like a shadow, for all the times i've felt alone and for all the times i've felt like I'm going nowhere. It was ment to be a song about someone I know but it ended up being about me.

The Hitchhiker

A life given

Not fully chosen

The road ahead laid with uncertainty

With no change to my lies and Apathy

Running far from home and confrontation

As I hitch-hike to my next destination

I’ve lost my way…

With no future, at all…

No reason to stay…

Becoming the nameless one

For I am the hitchhiker,

Alone I walk and alone I’m gone…

Money’s just word a to me…

I may be lost but I claim no vanity.

Another day, another life in time,

Pray that maybe one day I’ll shine.

I’ve lost my way…

With no future, at all…

No reason to stay…

Becoming the nameless one

For I am the hitchhiker,

Alone I walk and alone I’m gone…

It’s the way it’s meant to be…

I don’t owe the world anything.

People always look straight through me.

Not what I planned and not what I was hoping.

Because the world is dead to me…

And I’m dead to the world.

There I go…

A shadow… On the road… Of life.

Lost with no future, Nameless, Nameless.

Barrel Behind the door.

This is one of my latest songs that I've wrote, I wanted a song that built up some kind suspense within a trap. I always say that the black clouds are coming and there's nothing that can be done but to brace yourself. This is sort of a twist on that but with a killer ending.


Barrel behind the door

Woke up in a place unfamiliar
How I got here I do not know?
Lost inside with no way out,
It so dark, I can barely see the lights from under the doors.
Is this some kind of nightmare???

Hidden from this world, I’m in too deep.
Shadows all around, being watched from the keep.
But the only thing I’m looking out for,
Is the barrel behind the door…

can’t seem to find my way out
Deep in this labyrinth of secrets.
Not knowing of this misfortune
I hear a click from behind a door.
Oh god, what the hell am I in for???

Hidden from this world, I’m in too deep.
Shadows all around, being watched from the keep.
But the only thing I’m looking out for,
Is the barrel behind the door…

Feeling weaker as I’m still stuck here
Nowhere to run and nowhere to hide,
The shadows are moving in closer.
It’s got me hanging upside down,
Feel like the needle walls closing in…

No mercy!!!
For the master holds the key and gun to my life.
Creating his illusions he awaits on my arrival.
Fearful and choking, sloppy decisions, confused and tearful.
For I know my life is held on the trigger finger of my killer.

Finding no peace,
No comfort within
My heart’s beating wildly.
Trembling finger tips
And Eyes open wide,
As I reach for door knob.
Only one thing to greet me’s a bullet.

Hidden from this world, I’m in too deep.
Shadows all around, being watched from the keep.
But the only thing I’m looking out for,
Is the barrel behind the door…

The barrel

Behind

The door…

Release

I've many experiences with self harming and mostly to do with helping other people and it a hard and emotional when you know their going to do it again with very little you can do about it. This song relates to my experience and its something I know some people will relate to as well as it becomes not just about the ether person but both together in a connection. 

Release 

A shadow loaming over you,

I know what coming next and I feel it consuming me

Difficult to try and forget,

Making no sense to you, hid in a dwelling you call your own.

Scared once more for this release,

The fix you can’t control.

Making you feel less hollow inside.

Take my hand,

I want to save you, try and make it right but,

You’re far too gone now, lost within a memory.

Treading softly around you,

Weapon in hand as your so paralyzed, frozen still in time.

Show me the way,

To me understand these dark and undesirable actions.

Is this what you came for?

Feeling so weak and helpless for the both of us.

Blade in your hand.

Why???

Staring me in the face.

Please!!!

Don’t do this to yourself.

Hearts!!!

Heal in with time….. or so I’m told.

Feel!!!

like someone else for second. 

….. I can’t stop you, can I? 

AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Pressing the flame to your skin,

Sensation that eats away the sorrow

No more fear, no more tears

Only release. 

Release….

Release….

Release….

    

Freaks and angels collide.

This song is really a combination of many different elements of inspiration rolled up into one. Once I wrote the first verse the rest followed very qiuckly. Out of ashes came the song about the time angels fell to the shadows. 

 

 Freaks and Angels collide

The lights deem down tonight

As the shadows come out to play,

Holding no coldness to higher brethren.

Angels watch over the created world of sin.

Freaks hide behind a fallen flame,

Wait on the rain of the blackened sky.

For this is the night freaks and angels collide…

Ignite the wings of an anger from a thousand years,

Choke on the ashes from the fire fall.

Hide now until first light comes and shadows run away….

Burned in the vision of an angel glow

Ignorant dark lies blind from the truth,

No ones listening to the wails of the dying ones.

Hands to the sky crying out for sanctuary,

But there’s no safe arms to cradle in,

Only welcomed by the fist of the freaks.

For this is the night freaks and angels collide…

Ignite the wings of an anger from a thousand years,

Choke on the ashes from the fire fall.

Hide now until first light comes and shadows run away….

Safe no more, only in Eden’s shelter,

No spirits, no magic to save them now

Curses rain down from the heavens. 

For we can wait no longer…

Skies glowing black and red….

No deity to save you now…

Angels rain down…

Fall down…

And now this is the night.

Fallen angels become freaks among men…

War never changes

My brother who is coincidentally is the Basses for the Bronze Vale project set me a challenge of writing a song about war. No perimeters, just war and this is what I came up with. He really enjoyed it and it got his approval.

War never changes

We know war

Ever since first man beat his brother down.

Death is all we know

As we’re dragged down into our graves.

Blood in our eyes

As we picked up our weapon of choice.

Let’s fight to the death

Because war never changes…

Reckless destruction

We built armies of thousands to march.

Conquest the world

Fighting for king, for god, for glory.

Returning alive

We shall return home as martyr’s and hero’s

To be called out again

Because war never changes…

Litter the fields

Stain the land with bodies of the dead.

Political chaos

Fight over money, over land, over pride

Hunger for more

Sending millions to their death again

Their generals on the side line

Because war never changes…

What happened to the oath we took?

Where is the blessing we received?

Who do we follow into battle now?

Whatever the weapon, wherever the battle field.

Only one of us leaves alive…

Blood!!

We are the puppets of war

Fire!!

We are the puppets of war

Orders!!

We are the puppets of war

Charge!!

Kill!!

Ruin!!

Because war never changes…

Never…

Never…

Never…

Never changes.

Embrace

This song is very personal to me and came very naturally, I don't know quite how to explain myself but I guess that everyone feels like this at one point in time or another. Everyone will understand whats its about when you read it and it was something I needed to get off my shoulders. To me this shows exactly what I was feeling and to be honest what I still feel.


  

Embrace

Tell me, tell me, tell me how it feels,

Because I can’t seem to feel anymore.

My senses dulled when you’re close,

Overthinking every word spoken and

Over analysing every reaction made.

Only wish to embrace….

Embracing the dream I once had

Embracing you with open arms.

But holding on to an illusion

An empty void deep in loneliness.

A treasure I can choke on but I guess

I’m still alive and breathing.

Why… is there no answer

Why… is there no peace of mind

Why… can’t you embrace the words I say?

Only wish to embrace….

Embracing the dream we once had

Embracing hope with open arms

But now choking on this illusion

A deep void empty of existence.

I now need some solace and clarity

To free me from this prison cell

I won’t let this bring me down!!!!!

I received no warning when I first saw your eyes

Mesmerized and captivated, I was caught in your spell

My heart racing every time I was next to you

And shaking when I touched your skin.

The need to run my fingers through your hair

Move in closer, drawn to the light in your eyes,

Ignorant to pain, grief and phobia.

One fear the dissolution of this serenity

Only to have the dream torn from me

And subjected back to shadows,

Where the sole emotion is HOLLOW!!!!!

Set my mind free….

Or cast that spell on me….

Embrace Me!!!!!

Colours of bereavement

This was one of the first songs I wrote. My mother is a poet and oringally wrote this as a poem which I took, made some changes and turned it into a song. She approved of the changes I made as I made the song my own. In one time or another we all go through losing a family member and when I was 16 I lost my father and the poem really puts things into prepective to everyone even if you haven't lost someone in your life yet.


   

Colours of Bereavement

 

The skies around me darkens

Blacks and greys surround me.

Time stands still as I drown,

Drowning in my own grief...

Living in this one moment

The colours change again.

That’s what happens when someone dies

The light...

The light is changing again.

It’s bearing down on me...

Peeping though the stormy skies

The blacks fade in to blues.

Of the bruises on my heart,

Will these ever heal in time???

Living in this on moment

The colours change again.

That’s what happens when someone dies

The light...

The light is changing again.

It’s bearing down on me...

Green… Red… reflect on my eyes

As other colours come in to view.

Brighter tones shine upon my face,

Shadows of the day fade away...

Once living in that moment

The colours now consume me.

Is this what happens when death is gone

The light...

The light now blinds my eyes...

No longer will I fear you...

The white light...

Shining bright...

Bearing colours...

Colour of pain...

Colour of joy...

Colour of bereavement...